It's the me for me, now.
Have you ever noticed {we} as individuals love making announcements!! Like think about it. (I am engaged, I'm getting married, I got the job, and etc.) So, do you see where I am coming from? It is an announcement made. It is a clear validation that is awaiting to be acknowledged.
But we do not make the announcements of the pain. Prime example the breakup, the divorce, the job loss, trust me I can go on! We are not as eager to celebrate the struggles. What I want to share with you is that, in order to figure out what has triggered our pain we have to get to the root of the problem.
Well, I am here to tell you this announcement!
I do not want the validation, but I want you sit back and mentally think on what I am about to say.
I am 30 years old and I've always had a hard time with relationships. It is me!!! I came to the realization of that. I am prone to picking the wrong people and not truly looking into the people that choose me.
It has left me emotionally drained and I do not want to date right now. I want to heal. I want to drink my wine alone. I want to blow my herbs alone. I want to travel alone. I want to answer to no one. I no longer want to have sex. I do not want to get close to anyone.
I do not want a man to approach me with any situations that they may have. I no longer want to be a listening ear, a therapist, or even a friend. I want to leave them exactly how they left me.
" Alone ". On the flip slide, I am being approached. My face is no longer in " resting bitch mode ". I have been going through a lot of healing sessions, therapy & eliminating toxic waste in my life.
So... I am glowing. I am walking different. My face has less wrinkles than normal but, I am off the market. I am all for self. I am selfish with myself.
I do not want to be approached by anyone. It is a lot of people with someone just because.
Men are married and cheating, they say they are unhappy. I have never seen so many men that does not want nor to have a stable job or even a career. It is men that are out here with whole girlfriends and baby mommas they are unhappy and cheating (so what is told to me.)
It is so many in- living situations as well!! They are living together for the financial benefits, but they are cheating on each other. Let us not forget the men that are hurting our children boys and girls. (that is a huge one on why I'm scared to even put myself on the market).
Lastly, it is men that are in toxic relationships. They leave & go back because they are accustomed to a certain lifestyle that the woman provides, such as sex on a daily, cooking, cleaning, and etc. In the mist the man is being disrespected. Arguments are an everyday thing. As well with the woman currently hacking cellphones and social media accounts! Sis!!!!! What are you doing?
I want someone that is all mine. So, I am off the market. I desire someone that is built just for me. It is a lot of great men out there! I know it! They are working, praying, repairing, and preparing for a woman that truly deserve & desire greatness. A woman that he is not settling for. A woman that deserves him because he KNOWS he is a great man. I will admit I have never inquired or required much from men! I recently made a " deal & no deal list of my next potential mate "
Whoever I meet, I hope they have expectations. I want to sit down with him and see what he wants in his future. I want to see how he loves his momma. I want to see what he inquires and what is his relationship with his family like. I wonder how he prays & what does he pray for. I want to see how he manages consistency, work life & even confrontation.
I am off the market sis!! I am gathering my thoughts. I am regaining my faith. I am loving on myself. I'm rebuilding my finances up since my marriage left me fucked up. I am rebuilding my self-esteem. I am traveling by myself. I am losing friends that were not really my friends. I am watching my daughter enjoy her childhood. I am no longer interested in collecting any more soul ties. So. sex is off the table. I rather be alone & have a dry phone. I am coming up with ways on how I can invest in life and myself, I am on my knees praying and sitting still. I am smiling just cause. I am manifesting on the future of flourishing. I am wanting more to present much more. I am going to therapy to work on my childhood trauma so that I can allow the right man to love me properly and out loud. My daughter will take part of therapy as well, so the next generation of men will not tell her she is " too strong " as well as being able to balance the two. I want her to be strong as well as vulnerable.
I no longer want to intimidate my partner. I am not your mother. I am your woman. I am your helpmate. I am your confidant. I am off the market until you arrive. The next time will be the last time. The last time will be my best time.
It will be a task and team effort. It will be our time but, until then I'm off the market.
Comments